Adjusting

I have now had a full week of lectures at university. It has been weird, especially since most of what I've done so far has been introductory and the course has only just started. But its still different and it can get overwhelming very easily. This weekend I've committed to sorting things out. About half way through this week my room was a tip and it was just stressing me out a lot. Now I'm getting better. My floor is a bit more clear but it needs more and I have planned that into my time this weekend. I'm looking forward to having this time to sort everything out and I'm very glad I chose to stay and go home next weekend instead. Its different but its not bad any more.

Making friends is different from any other experience I've had before. For the most part, I have previously made friends young, when neither of us are really formed yet. Therefore I've been able to grow with and around my friends: they have become part of my identity because they were there when it was created. Now, however, everyone comes as a fully formed person, sure there's room for change but you are a lot more sure of yourself and you are an individual rather than being unsure and led by others the whole time. That makes friendships different. It means that you need to seek out people who are similar to you rather than finding someone and becoming similar people. Its very different to what I'm used to.

I have found myself judging people based on whether I think I could be friends with them or not more than actually trying to get to know people. Its hard because I know my type of person, I know the people who I can get on with well and so I have tended to see someone and make a snap judgement about whether or not we will be able to be friends or not. I don't like that I do that. It stops me from actually getting to know these people. I have realised that, despite how much I try to get on with everyone, I don't actually practice it the way I want to. I want to change that so I'm going to try and be more mindful of that and attempt to align the perception of who I want to present myself as with the person I am presenting myself out.

Going to uni is one massive adjustment and I don't know if I will ever stop adjusting my ideas here but I'm grateful for that. Its meant to be a learning experience and I am looking forward to being able to learn not just about my chosen course but also about myself and the best ways to interact with others. I want to grow and become the best version of me I can be and I think that's what university's for. Adjustment is part of my change into who I really am and I like it.