Once

Last night I watched Once (the film) on netflix for the second time. I loved it when I watched it before but this time I really loved it. That afternoon I hadn't been feeling too great and after watching it I lay in my bed and cried. For no particular reason. I didn't feel particularly sad about anything. I just cried. Then I looked up everything I possibly could about it. Then I slept.

Today I looked up the documentary about the two musicians in once. I watched it instead of doing some extra uni work. It wasn't what I was expecting. I thought it would tell me all about the process of making Once and how the two of them came to be. I thought it would be about Once more than anything. It wasn't. It was about them on tour and their relationship in that particular time span. It was a snapshot of their lives really. Now I'm writing.

I think what was special to me about both of these movies was the lack of a happy ending. Neither of them end especially sadly. They just don't really have a resolution where things end up in this place and you feel that its going to stay that way. They just show a relationship and a life at one point. Its hard to describe what exactly I think and feel about that.

I know that I fell a little bit in love with Once last night. I also know that its not the kind of love where you immerse yourself in the thing wholly for an extended period of time. I watched it last night after watching in months before and in a few months I might find myself watching it again. I tried to find out about the people behind it. I did what I could and found what I wanted. I'm not now going to go and follow and support everything they do because I don't think its that kind of love.

This is somewhat new to me. I'm so used to liking something and following it. Finding things to make it new every day and letting it become a huge part of my life. I love that kind of love for something, its a special way of loving something that you get to share. This new way of loving something I've found is also very special. I have opened myself up to something new and I will carry it in my heart. I just don't feel the need to carry on my love for it constantly, I don't want to obsess over it or even really think about it every day. I just let it be a part of me for a while.

I think because these films don't have any resolution, they don't wrap themselves up nicely for you, I don't feel the need to carry them on because I know that they are being carried on in their universes. The films mirror life in a way that not much media does: they continue after you leave them. Its like having a friendship for a while, having great times and then just drifting apart. You know that the person is still out there, living their life, you're just not living it together any more but thats okay. These films have helped me be okay with not having closure in my life.