A New World

I have now had 2 nights on my own at university and the best way to describe it is a completely new world with a brand new set of emotions to go along with it. I feel like I've been here for a lot longer than I have and I feel like I go between homesickness and comfort every other hour. I'm not completely alone: I've made friends in my flat and know a few people on my course. I'm getting to know a whole new city with new people who have new ways of doing things and everything is just different. I'm still getting used to it but I feel like I should be used to it by now even though things actually haven't started at all.

I need to remind myself that the way things are now aren't what they'll be like for the whole time I'm here. Usually in the past I've made friends and stuck with them until we drifted apart over the years or our lives drew away from each other. At the moment there's a way things are done in my flat and with the friends I've made. To be honest I'm not completely happy with it yet and I find myself assuming that this is what will always happen but I know that it won't always be the same and things will change when lectures start and I get to know more people. I just need to remember this.

I'm not used to this way of life. So far I've had a set structure with one home base and one person I know will always be there and who I need to check in with when I'm doing most things. Now I still have that but I'm further away from it and I don't have anyone to hold me accountable for my actions other than myself. I'm not used to that at all but I know that I'm ready for this responsibility and freedom and have been for a few years. Despite knowing this, it feels quite lonely at times. I know that the longer I'm here the more I'll get used to it and the more people I'll have around me, its just hard to remember that it will change sooner than things have changed in the past.

Its a whole new world here but its not always a scary, sad world. Despite the home sickness I like the city I'm in and I'm happy to know some people. I'm looking forward to meeting more people and starting to study what I've waited so long to study. Even if things don't change that much, this is simply a means to an end if I want it to be. If nothing else, by the end of my time here I'll have a qualification and a set of skills that will allow me to both have a career and me a stronger and all round better person.

I just need to remember that this is the start not the forever and I'll be okay.