Some thoughts on my anxiety and my experience tonight

I feel like I should cry but I can't. I feel like God's done something but I don't know what. My mind's a bit of a mess.

Last year I had a bad year and I came away from it with the view that uni had harmed my mental health a lot. This year I got better. In the first term I was better, I got out more and I met new people and I met God and things have been better. This term they're still better but I think last year's mental health issues have caught up with me a bit. I'm very anxious. Its not extreme, I wouldn't say I'm having panic attacks but I have very internal anxieties. They creep up on me during the day. I'll think about a random time or thing I've said and get this horrible feeling building up. It goes around and around and I feel like I have to do something to release it. When I do it only feels a tiny bit better and it goes around in a cycle until I stop myself or distract myself with every day things. Its been happening throughout this term and its almost building up and building up and today I felt like it's going to get worse before it gets better.

So I took it to church. This term I've been doing an alpha course at church and it just happened that the last question tonight was asking if anyone wanted prayer. As soon as I saw it I knew that I needed to bring my anxiety to my table and get help from there. So I did and a girl on my table suffers with anxiety and has done for a while, I knew this before and maybe thats one of the reasons I was able to bring it to them. So they prayed for me and I talked to this girl afterwards and she prayed for me about it and talked to me about her experiences. Her kindness and love and willingness to be there for me blew me away completely. Things didn't change in a snap but things might be shifting. I don't know. I don't have a clue what's going on inside me at the moment. I trust that it will change and I can move this mountain but I think it might be a long journey. I think it might still get worse before it gets better but I've told people about it, people I don't really know that well but still have potential with and that's huge.

This post has been a whole load of I don't knows and mixed feelings but this experience is something I needed to get out of my head. I guess only God knows what will happen next, we shall see!