Revitalise

So I've been going through a bit of a rough time very recently: emotionally and consequently spiritually. I won't go into specifics but basically its resulted in me not feeling connected to anything really. In church and worship and the like its felt like there's something in the way, connecting has just felt hard. This has been both with God and everyone else. For me, social interaction is generally hard if I don't know the person especially well and connecting with God hasn't been the easiest thing to do at times but the last few months its felt a lot easier. Then, in the last week or so, it was like a wall was put up. Starting a block placement took a lot out of me and I've been going through other stuff in my personal life thats dragged me down. So yeah, long story short, everything has come together and resulted in me feeling like theres something in the way with connecting with God. Tonight I felt a breakthrough.

I was feeling especially disconnected when I went to my university's Christian Union meeting and it continued throughout the opening worship and prayer time. Its hard when this happens, it almost feels like I have to pretend during the meetings or like I'm failing somehow. So yeah, throughout the talk we had a was feeling this disconnection but to a lesser extent because it was a great talk with a message that I really needed. The real change came in the closing prayer time: the speaker had given us some practical advise for getting through struggles alongside God and I put it into practice while listening to some of the prayers and in the quiet time in between. I was really concentrating on my personal issues and slowly I just felt my faith and hope creep back up on me and I just knew. I knew that He will show me the answers but it probably won't be how I expect it and it probably won't be something I recognise straight away but it will be His wok and therefore it will be good. As this was happening I was listening to the prayers with my eyes closed. Once I opened them I was stunned because I realised that I hadn't been here. I know thats vague but its the only way I can put it, I felt I had been in a completely different place and I felt filled with the holy spirit.

I'm still facing what I was earlier today but I feel more able now to go through it with my father God and some of that optimism that was fading is creeping back. I've been refilled and revitalised and I'm unbelievably grateful for His love and grace and peace at work in my life.